1. Straighten your kid's teeth. They're not going to be able to get a job looking like a backwoods sasquatch.

2. Make sure your kid graduates from high school, at least. They'll never afford to move out if you don't!

3. Teach Junior to chew with his mouth closed. The smacking of lips is the single most vile noise of all time.

-- I am going to start making more lists. Leave me a note if you have any ideas --